The Three Frogs

I am Admitting This

2009-01-16T10:44:00.000+08:00

I'm gay.

Draft

2007-12-22T16:55:00.000+08:00

1. Spell your name without an A ?
:: Timothy Villaric (bitin!)

2. Are you single?
:: Medyo :p

3. Whats your favorite number[s]?
:: 7!

4. What are you listening to right now?
:: well, LSS right now nalang: My brother's playing Harder, Better faster, stronger on the computer next to mine.

5. Are you happy with your life?
:: Sure. See? :)

6. Where do you wish you were right now?
:: I want to go to that doulos thing. Maybe tomorrow. :)

7. What should you be doing right now?
::Staying up late. :p

8. Do you have a crush on anyone?
:: Ang guwapo ko no? Hayyy... haha joke lang. :p

THE DIDS:

9. Did you ever want to be a doctor?
:: For a second but it evaporated when I realized how old they graduate.

10. Do you believe in God?:
:: Yeah of course.

11. Did you want to be a firefighter?
:: nope.

12. What was the last thing you drank:?
:: H20

13. What was the last thing you watched?
:: Dennou Coil

THE WHOS:

14. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone
:: Can't remember for the life of me.

15. Who was the last person to call you?
:: Dunno.

16. Who was the last person to text you?
:: Stef :p

0THER STUFF:

17. What plans do you have for tonight?
:: Sleepover daw? Go out with my family, the usual.

18. Do you hate liars?
:: No I love them

19. What have you done in your past that you regret?
:: too long to list em down.. haha

20. What do you want to do when you grow up?
:: a lot of things: become successful in the ad industry, see the world, get married, etc

21. Have you ever kissed two people in one night?
:: no. why would i do that?

22. Did you ever have your heart broken?
:: sigh....

23. Have you ever wanted someone but you knew you couldn't have?
:: grrr.. i'm very much aware of that feeling...

24. How are things between you and your parents?
:: well recently.. YEAH!

24. Do you like your life?
:: uhuh.. very much (this question was asked already... o_0)

25. What is your favorite love movie?
:: love story nalang: P.S. I Love You (which is coming out on the big screen.. i just wish i had someone to watch it with (-.-)

26. How long have you had myspace?
:: i don't have myspace

27. Has anyone close to you ever passed away?
:: my lolo

28. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?
:: recently... someone's been bothering my thoughts.. harharhar

29. Do you ever wish you were famous?
:: i wished before.. now.. not really

30. What does your friendster shout out mean?
:: HAH! gotta go my own way -- you decide what that means

31. Elaborate your default photo:
:: it was taken during one of the days when classes got suspended haha

32. Any celeb you would want to marry?
:: johnny depp or orlando bloom (pirates booyah!)

33. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
:: uhuh! tis fun!

Silent Ivory Keys

2007-08-13T12:48:00.000+08:00

It's ironic how you like to sit of a simple stool and want to play the most grandiouse pieces on simple, plastic keys. You started when you were in Grade 1 and it's the same piano that you've been playing for the past 13 years or so. It's a fairly simple electronic contraption, none of the hardened stilts dressed together that you might find in a normal piano. When you play, none of the normal vibrations echo from within but the sound rings clear to you and when it rains, the keys don't begin to wallow in themselves the way they do in wood and ivory. In that sense, it would seem to be dead and the fact that it runs on electricity would make you feel like you're playing frankenstein. You picked her back then because of the little buttons on her with a limited range of 6 instruments and you still don't mind because she gets the job done and she never complains (unless in a brownout). You appreciate the fact she doesn't play like a keyboard with its own superficial key textures or like a real piano whose keys are too stiff. She's Baby Bear from "Golidilocks and the Three Bears" and her porridge is just right.

You used to play for other people a lot. You could only play 2 pieces by heart, "Eyes on Me" and "Fisherman's Horizon" and the rest were fairly simplistic songs from John Thompson and Micheal Aaron which you found repititive and annoying. It was "Eyes on Me" that got you playing again during Grade 7. All your friends praised you for it because you were the first that learned how to play it in class. Lola used to showcase you in front of family guests and you'd ask for a little service fee of a hundred bucks. After all the praise you decided to memorize more and you were able to fine-tune your style to technical perfection. After a while it just trailed on like a forgotten leash and you realized that you never really cared what anyone else thought about how you played. At the end of the day if you were feeling sad or stressed you would just play for yourself. If you read it on the page you can still play "Eyes on Me" like you always used to after all.

The notes that you would fossilize in your mind now came in waves and you were living life a note at a time. Some shores you familiarized yourself with quickly; you could tell where the wind blew and navigate the vast array of stars with ease--you knew where you had to go because it was all so familiar and easy. Some seas demanded much that you did not have and you ambled away from them on the first few measures. Regardless of how your fingers stuttered even when you weren't playing stacattos or the how they would trip over themselves like a Three Stooges comedy on the trills you were living a life and it washed away all the days other people would have slashed their wrists in their solitary rooms or some of the restless nights that Eliot measured in cups of coffee.

You realize though that what the water washes away it also takes away which also means that if there is a rut in the road, passing your car over it will not remedy the situation when you wake up the next day to drive to work. There are irreconcilble, indissoluble things that you can get across but you can never really solve by simply running your hands over treble and bass clef, taking it on stride and pressing against the notes. But sometimes it is simply enough to do just that, because you would have patched yourself up and gone through one more day, swallowed up by silent ivory keys.

Post Workshop Stress Syndrome

2007-08-06T03:08:00.000+08:00

You know you have it when you wake up and you realize once again Crap, it's ___ in the morning again. Repeat for a couple of times the same morning for a more zombified effect.

On being Bipolar

2007-08-02T20:07:00.000+08:00

My emotions are in a constant equilibrium. If you can manage to disrupt that continuity, I start turning screwy. For the past few days, I've been flitting out of depression, numbness and a spirited vitality. I don't think I've altogether abandoned my own emotions but to a certain extent they will always be knotted to my orientation towards the world. That is, I will either stare something down, or just shrug my shoulders (inwardly). When that knot was cut it's as if all 3 emotions began struggling for dominance in the absence of their master. They're incessant little imps they are. I must be bipolar. Iyon Lang. :p

Another Poem

2007-07-31T18:33:00.000+08:00

A friend had me analyze this poem for her. I liked it enough to post it here. :)

The First Dream

The Wind is ghosting around the house tonight
and as I lean against the door of sleep
I begin to think about the first person to dream,
how quiet he must have seemed the next morning

as the others stood around the fire
draped in the skins of animals
talking to each other only in vowels,
for this was long before the invention of consonants.

He might have gone off by himself to sit
on a rock and look into the mist of a lake
as he tried to tell himself what had happened,
how he had gone somewhere without going,

how he had put his arms around the neck
of a beast that the others could touch
only after they had killed it with stones,
how he felt its breath on his bare neck.

Then again, the first dream could have come
to a woman, though she would behave,
I suppose, much the same way,
moving off by herself to be alone near water,

except that the curve of her young shoulders
and the tilt of her downcast head
would make her appear to be terribly alone,
and if you were there to notice this,

you might have gone down as the first person
to ever fall in love with the sadness of another.

-Billy Collins

The 13th Ateneo-Heights Writers' Workshop (Part 1)

2007-07-31T16:19:00.000+08:00

Yep, I was there.

Actually noong una medyo napilitan lang ako. A bit of pressure from the old members (Yes, you Vip!) and the new EB that required it for Fil Staff and English Staff. Not that I never wanted to write before this point, just that I always had some excuse for whisking myself away. I spent a couple of nights in front of the computer screen cramming my stuff. Poetry was out of the question, it's a deathtrap for me with all its conventions. I'd been reading fiction all my life so that seemed an appropriate choice. I managed to write the first, "Rooms" with manageable effort. It's the kind of the fiction work that I'd always wanted to write. But by the second piece, I was going emo due to the fact that the work simply refused to write itself and the time before the deadline was getting exhausted. I slept on it and went to church the next day (It was a Saturday then). During the service I began to feel better about missing the workshop when I received a text informing me that they were requesting that I submit my second work! I did send in "Rooms" that morning and it seems that they liked it so much (don't ask me why :P) that they gave me another day's extension to finish. I spent the Sunday doing "Dead on Arrival" and by 12 midnight had run out of ideas on how I wanted to end the work. An hour later, I was pissed enough that I was able to give it an ending, and it was the kind of ending that you could only come up with if you were pissed.

So yeah I got in. The thing took place at Sacred Heart Novitiate (a good hour from Ateneo) in Novaliches from July 27-30.

Ghost story?

2007-04-25T18:27:00.000+08:00

When I was thirteen years old, I began to have bouts of insomnia. That was around the time I heard footsteps going up the stairs near my room. I've been hearing it ever since but these days I've gotten used to it so that it never really frightens me that much. I guess to my mind it would seem like a sound the house would make (if it knew how to make sounds).

Last night I crossed the hallway after doing my quiet time in my sister's room. As usual I heard the footsteps going up the stairs and as I expected, no one was around. When I closed and locked the door to my room my brother relaxing in bed. He said something to me I looked back at the doorknob, someone turned it out of nowhere. Someone turned the locked doorknob! It couldn't have been my dad cause the lights were off and I'd have heard him shut the door to his room opposite end of the hall.

Oh well don't mind me, I'm just bored. :p

To Do list

2007-04-25T18:16:00.000+08:00

Out of sheer boredom I have decided to recount a list of productive activities this summer in order to pressure myself to do something productive:

1. Finish at least 3 books
2. Master Doctor Gradus Ad Parssanum by Debussy
3. Help Revamp the Youth L.I.V.E. website
4. Co-write a script for a short film at church
5. Have at least 2 more sleepovers
6. Write any piece of literature (poem or fiction)
7. Rearrange email inbox and computer desktop (digital OCness!)
8. Blog more!

These are the productive activities I am currently occupied with:

1. Frontline Bible Study every Wednesday (starting today)
2. Driving Lessons (kinda late for this but yeah)

That's about it :p

Upcoming events
1. Camp reunion!
2. DVBS (Daily Vacation Bible School)--this would be around my 7th year of teaching!
3. Bodi's swimming party (to swim or not to swim?)

Weeeeeeeeeeeeird day

2007-04-24T17:42:00.000+08:00

Last Apiril 21, 2007 was a weeeeeeeeeeeeeird day. It starts when I troop to Metrowalk from church listening to some outlandish tunes from Massive Attack (as usual). When I get to Metrowalk, I see a policewoman sitting lazily in one of the chairs in the turo turo area. Dismissing any paranoid notions from my thoughts I head up to the dvd area and stick around for a bit. I'm about to purchase a Hayao Miyazaki 3-disc collection when shutters start closing up and people quickly stuff their contraband into their big bayongs. No sign of police yet but I completely ditch the place. Bad things tend to happen to me for apparent reasons and nonapparent ones. Sometimes I think I'm God's idea of a joke.

Moving forward a few hours into the future, during LINKS (That's the evening service at church for youth) I get a phone call from my mother:

Mom: Why didn't you go home with your sister and cousin from church
Me: Cause of Links
Mom: I want you to head home right now. We visited your lola at the hospital. You weren't there!

Well that's the general patronage version anyway. Don't worry the real version is only bordering on pg but it's not like we're shouting or cursing or anything.

A soon as I arrive home, the maids tell me my parents aren't home. I figure my mom was annoyed and didn't bother to tell me they went to they visited the hospital again. "They just left. You can still catch up if you hurry" they tell me. I break into a sprint and head for the guardhouse, which isn't far from my house considering we have a small subdivision. So I get there finding no car in sight. I shrug off the fatigue and hunger and run the way to the jeepney stop hoping to head my parents off at their destination. As soon as I get off the jeep at the hospital I call my Dad:

Moi (X_X):What room is lola in?
Dad (?_?): *name of room* We're not there.

Oh well at least I get to visit old gran when I get to her room and she seems okay. My parents pick me up at the lobby and we head to a relative's wake. After pigging myself out on the food I sit beside my parents on one of the pews. They start conversing with some of my relatives. My uncle, a very stocky bodybuilder inroduces my parents to this spartan dude, one of his friends. "This is the Philippines' strongest man," he says. "He competes internationally and wins a lot of gold medals." The big guy sat quietly in the adjacent pew like a kid waiting for his parents, not the most intimidating sight at the present moment.

Hours of banter pass, and perhaps the cherry on top of my day was this one comment:
"You know your tita so-and-so over there? She used to go after your dad."

EEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYNG?! 0_o

A Poem for the summer

2007-04-07T20:21:00.000+08:00

I had a craving for some poetry today so I decided to look this author up. I used to have one of her poetry collections but a friend of mine who lives in Cebu (and is currently studying in Japan) borrowed it from me permanently hehe :p

A Dream of Trees

There is a thing in me that dreamed of trees,
A quiet house, some green and modest acres
A little way from every troubling town,
A little way from factories, schools, laments.
I would have time, I thought, and time to spare,
With only streams and birds for company.
To build out of my life a few wild stanzas.
And then it came to me, that so was death,
A little way away from everywhere.

There is a thing in me still dreams of trees,
But let it go. Homesick for moderation,
Half the world’s artists shrink or fall away.
If any find solution, let him tell it.
Meanwhile I bend my heart toward lamentation
Where, as the times implore our true involvement,
The blades of every crisis point the way.

I would it were not so, but so it is.
Who ever made music of a mild day?

Mary Oliver

Note to self

2006-12-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

Now is 12:01 AM December 8. 2006

Pack up your bags and walk out the door. The moment you look back you'll end up in the same place you started.

The knack's back

2006-12-05T16:26:00.000+08:00

For some reason, since the beginning of this sem, I realize that I've been able to type up papers with ease. Normally it takes me hours just to conk up a few pages. Don't count on seeing longer posts though. :p

Today, I received my first essay from Ma'am Saloma for SA 101 and managed to rack up a perfect score along with one other person. I've never been top of anything for as long as I can remember (especially in writing). It seems that increased socializing has also improved my articulation output both quantitatively and qualitatively on paper.

One more random thought for the sem. Recently I picked up a copy of House (lying around the house) and started watching it. I can't really say it's that great of a series, though personally, I find Dr. House very endearing. He and I aren't so different I'm afraid. Maybe I'll be like that someday. Brilliant and miserable (and middle-aged). Now that's a comforting thought.

The Anonas Betty-Go Connection

2006-11-18T01:14:00.000+08:00

"The rate at which technology has progressed is staggering. The only obstacle in our way now is the finite human container."

"I watched this show on the Discovery Channel once. It unearthed other possible darker futures for the Earth. What if a plasma storm knocked us back to the Medieval Age?" "We wouldn't be completely helpless" I quipped. "We still have a relatively abundant fuel supply and when that runs out, there's always solar energy."

Just random musings there. Today was the day of the Anonas Betty-Go Connection. It started out as many merry and unfortunate meetings do, at the height of stupidity. My friend's cell seemed to have been set back a few centuries into the Dark Ages. I rushed to the Katipunan Station with two of my friends remaining behind as a lifeline. As the train pulls over at the Anonas Station, a ring registers in my ear and my friend picks up his phone.

"Where are you?" I asked. "Betty-go station" he replies.

2 Friends---My Quarry----------Moi (X_X)
Gilmore---Betty-Go---Araneta--Anonas--Katipunan

A bit more unusual than usual

2006-11-15T15:26:00.000+08:00

Really I think people could think less of what happened to me yesterday. I've heard stranger things but I suppose the ennui of my life is why I'm so crazy inside. At any rate I saw all the faffies yesterday scattered throughout the school for one. First I saw Bodi in the caf at morning before class. Then there was JP at the cafup (with Reis) during lunch. Then I saw Ram at Faura in the afternoon. Finally I saw Brian at the lib bumming around (with Jerry). Before I left for home I saw Bodi again outside the RMT. He seemed high or something (what was up with that?!).

Backtracking a bit, I was having a nice little chat with Reis and JP (who I haven't seen in the longest time!). After JP left Reis and I split up after the bell rang and went to our classes. I got there a bit late, and the seat I turned up having was Jp's! It said Ryvaeus on it and it had some of his doodles on it. What a profound connection.

After class I trooped to Greenhills to buy supplies and reprint 1x1s. At the studio in Shoppesville I saw my first deaf gay dude. He seemed to be a regular at the place as all the ladies working there kept egging him on. They were saying stuff like "Hey you look cuter in your family pic when you were younger. You should turn straight again." The deaf gay dude communicated in a series of unintelligible high-pitched shrieks and gestures. Makes you wonder where he learned how to sound like that (like a gay I mean).

Before I retreated back home I decided to buy some blank CDs and DVDs at the CDR King nearby. When I got to the I.T. center I saw a bunch of Buddhist monks complete in attire and shaved heads entering the I.T. building with policemen acting as bodyguards. I therefore conclude that we are all living in the matrix.

Urgh!

2006-07-27T20:56:00.000+08:00

You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. You are definitely quirky and often mistaken for mad but if anyone is truly paying attention they can see there is method to your madness. You try really hard to be bad but in the end you tend to do the right thing.

Captain Jack Sparrow

83%

Dread Pirate Roberts

83%

Long John Silvers

75%

Sinbad

67%

Captain James T. Hook

67%

Black Beard

50%

Captain Barbosa

42%

Will Turner

42%

Morgan Adams

33%

Mary Read

17%

What kind of Pirate are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Back to School Blues

2006-06-18T21:21:00.000+08:00

First day funks make you funky and first day highs leave you stoned.

There are a lot of things I can blog about the summer. The two weeks of going out everyday, my misadventures on reg day, sleepovers, ministry work, ____, ____.....didn't get anything out of me though. At any rate after my pre-summer school post I seem to have gone into a bumlike hibernation of sorts.

It seems today I am actually kooky enough to post because my temperature has gone up from fright and fried my brain. The only other thing that can induce illness in me is....badgers! Yeah badgers woohooo! Hmm time to look for a DVD to pop into the oven it's gonna be a long night. May God have mercy on our temporarily damned brains tomorrow.

End of the line...

2006-03-21T21:35:00.000+08:00

In one hour the power will go out and the neighborhood will be shrouded in darkness for the next several hours. With two more papers to finish and little sanity left to me, I will at least go down with the knowledge that everything has come to an end.

The EB War!!!

2006-01-08T19:13:00.000+08:00

Due to the Heights Editorial Board Race, I have been AWOL these past few weeks. Conflicts have continued to escalate, and everything has boiled down to tonight. Here is what I have LEFT to finish:

1)Self-Assessment paper
2) 1 Lit Crit in English
4&5) 1 Lit Crit for Fil (2pts)
6) Staff Assessment

I have never faced such overwhelming odds. Kiss me goodbye cause you may never see me again.

*rides off into the sunset*
*fade*
*credits*

19 going 90

2005-12-31T10:20:00.000+08:00

I'm only 19 but somehow there were a couple things that happened this week that make me feel older than that.

1) Last Tuesday my bro managed to drag me out to play basketball with him at Xavier. I only played for around 4 hours but when I woke up the next day, my body felt like it had aged 40 years or so. I had trouble going up the stairs and getting into the car.

2) Last Thursday I played Halo with my 3 cousins from the U.S. I won every round. Guess why?

3) Yesterday I went to Westin to watch the fireworks by Manila Bay. There are two things that I recall of the place:

a) When I was little I went there a couple of times to watch the sunrise. That was around a decade ago.

b) I had my prom at Westin. Maggie (my date) and we went out to get some air. We also had an iboys pic there. I didn't fit in the picture.

4) This morning:

ryvaeus: mornin', timmy.
timvillarica: mornin!
ryvaeus: how was your christmas?
timvillarica: not bad. more cash for the bank. yers?
ryvaeus: i was sick. still am.
timvillarica: i remember when i got sick. that was 3 yrs ago. i was the only one home that night...
timvillarica: on chirstmas day
ryvaeus: you make yourself sound old.
timvillarica: haha is that how it sounds? 3 yrs ago isn't that long.

Hehe it's not right?

There was one consolation. This was yesterday when my lil cousins were around and I let them play Pokemon Stadium 2 on the emulator.

Jonathan (cousin, age 13): Hey the graphics aren't bad.

Oh well I'm not sulking or anything. I don't have anything against getting older and I'm really not that old. I'm just older than most of my batchmates lol.

Merry new year everyone!